Text: 1 Samuel 20:27-31
“As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who fear Him.” Psalms 103:13
Today, we will discuss two other types of fathers – the Abusive or Toxic and the Authoritarian. Someone once said, “A toxic father is more dangerous than an absent father.” Yes, because Anger is one letter short of Danger. Abuses range from physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuses. In a rage of anger, an abusive father mercilessly hits or kicks children leaving them with severe bruises, broken bones or damaged eyes and ear drums. They justify their abuses with the adage, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” and Proverbs 23:13 which says, “. For if you beat him(child) with a rod, he will not die.” No, discipline shouldn’t be destructive! Our Heavenly Father doesn’t break our bones to discipline us. “He will not break off a bent reed…” (Isa 42:3 GNT). Emotional and verbal abusive fathers destroy the self esteem of their children with words (Prov 12:18). A young adult once told me how he had believed he was unintelligent. Knowing him well, I wondered how he came to such a conclusion . On further inquiries, I discovered he had been a victim of his abusive father, who had eroded his self-confidence, calling him a dullard and a fool anytime he made a mistake during his early days! Words like stupid, idiot, ugly, goat, dunce are demeaning. 2 Sam 20:30 shows how Jonathan suffered abuse from Saul, his father.
Sexual abuses go beyond physical sexual contact to showing children inappropriate sexual content, like X-rated movies. The general effects of abuses include learning problems, low self esteem, permanent physical injuries, depression, emotional disorders, substance abuse, health problems, criminal behaviours, violence, high-risk sexual behaviour etc
The other type of father, the Authoritarian, uses harsh words, imposes strict rules and adopts a punitive approach to discipline. He acts on command order, not giving room for expression. He believes “Children are to be seen and not to be heard”. At the beginning, the children comply but this is not sustained as it eventually leads to rebellion. (Eph 6:4 GNT).
Most often, children from this type of home are fearful, lack motivation and initiative and it may destroy their leadership ability. It may also affect their performance in school. Friends, will your child say on the Father’s Day that you built him up or destroyed him?
1.Father, please, deliver and heal the hearts of victims of abusive parenting in Jesus name.
2. Father, please, open the eyes of all abusive and authoritarian parents and convict them of their sins in Jesus name.
1. Abusive parents’ words are like sharp sword in the hearts of their victims
2. Authoritarian fathers rule without relationship which leads to rebellion but Permissive parents have relationship without rules which leads to chaos.